Have you ever feared what was inside of you?
Our lives are jaded with rejection and deep-seated fear that we’re not good enough.
I’ve experienced this in my own life and I’m sure you have too.
A few days ago I was talking with a close friend of mine about deliverance. I asked her what deliverance meant for us as believers and how it plays into our life. I made the conversation casual, but I was hiding something deeper.
Confession: I thought I was possessed.
I feared that there was something inside me that was evil.
I hid this the best I could and my conversation ended with my friend asking me, “Do you believe God is for you?”
I thought that was it.
My roommates that night gathered and began to share some of the spiritual warfare they were experiencing. They spoke of their anxiety and trouble sleeping.
My roommates began to anoint and pray over our house.
As this was going on I pulled aside one of my housemates, who has more spiritual discernment than I when it comes to spirits, angels and demons.
I opened up to her the fact that I was afraid something going on I asked her to pray and seek the Lord concerning my heart and spirit.
She replied, “Of course, I will pray into that and seek the Lord, but do you mind if I say something now?”
She explained different reasons I might be feeling that way but then spoke words that changed my perspective on everything.
“Kellie, when I look at you, all I see is light. There’s nothing not of God inside of you.”
My mind immediately flashed back to a time last semester when someone attempted to do a “deliverance” on me.
It was an uncomfortable and hurtful few minutes.
The woman began to ask me if she could address the spirit inside me.
She asked the spirit what it’s name was.
I heard a name, I heard a word, but terrified and ashamed there was something inside of me that I was hearing; I didn’t dare admit it.
The word I heard? Cephas
Matthew 16:18, “And I tell you, you are Cephas (Peter), and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.”
“I see only light in you.”
The spirit inside of me that I was so afraid of?
It is the Spirit God placed in me.
The Spirit that the gates of hell cannot overtake.
“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” -2 Timothy 1:7
It hit me so fast all at once.
I broke down in tears as I began to realize what God was really teaching me through all this.
Let me say that again: He has given us all a spirit of power, love and self-control.
You are solid. You are light.
You carry love, power and self-control.
There is no darkness inside you.
I spoke with my mentor about this and she explained how she had tried to tell me this before, but it was nothing anyone could tell me. So no matter how many times I write this, there is only one person who can really teach you this.
So here’s the invitation:
Ask God one simple question.
One question that could change everything.
“Jesus, what do you think of me?”
Let him answer, and speak into the depths of your heart.