By Kristi Porter
Its easy to find people to laugh with you. Everyone loves to laugh. But its a difficult thing to find people who will cry with you. People who willingly share in your heartache, tragedy or even the small stings of life are a rare commodity. However, its these people that shape your community and have the greatest impact on your life. In fact, they are the ones with whom you actually do life.
Let me illustrate.
About two months ago, a good friend experienced tremendous heartache with the unexpected loss of his father. Some of our friends were with him at the time and did not leave his side, despite the late hour or their own exhaustion.
The days that followed brought more of this deep compassion, which was poured out over his family, whom wed never met. But because our friend was in pain, we all hurt. And we all longed to help ease it. It was so beautiful to see how everyone took care of his and his familys needs, whether through a meal or just a hug.
They gave whatever they had, not out of obligation but out of a genuine love. And though true love is a gift, and never expects anything in return, his family for the same reason reciprocated it. I have no doubt that it made a bigger impact on them then we even realized.
Over the next few weeks, our community and my church family continued to experience great, overwhelming loss. We lamented over the anniversary of a passing friend as well as other deaths, some expected and some not.
It just didnt seem to stop. Yet we made it through, and I saw the same thing happen each time. In spite of the pain, the community stood firm. Multitudes of people showed up to offer whatever they could to those who were suffering. There was never a shortage of smiles or casseroles.
Ive seen the same thing happen time and again since I joined this community almost eight years ago. Its one of the things I love most about being part of it. It doesnt matter if the pain is large or small, they are there.
Several friends over the past few months have struggled with their purpose or a loss of relationship or even a job, and the result has always been authentic concern. People have stepped up to offer a shoulder, an ear, a kind word or a warm hug. Life just doesnt get much better.
But the application goes way beyond my small corner of the world. The past few years Ive been privileged enough to go on a mission trip, and the main thing Ive seen time and time again was that people are so hungry for community. Desperate for it, in fact. They are more than willing to open up to anyone who shows genuine interest in their lives, even a stranger.
My generation and the ones below value relationships above just about anything else, but I dont really know anyone who doesnt greatly appreciate them. However, so few people have the ones that truly matter and that breaks my heart.
I have said before that my attitude has changed from feeling sorry for those without community. While that still stands, I feel much sorrier for those who have access to community and dont take advantage of it. With something so amazing at their fingertips, why would they not utilize it? Knowing the benefits, frankly, that boggles my mind. I think this latter category probably stems from personal insecurities and fears of intimacy.
And while being vulnerable is incredibly scary, it is an integral part of a well-lived life. We can really only be known to the extent we are wiling to let others see us. And I for one would rather be known, than known of. It is by our own choice.
The mask can get really heavy, and the stories get harder to keep straight. Its a tough, and unneeded, weight to bear. Community is a God-given blessing, and its one of the reasons the church has survived. We were made for it. Think about it: community. Father/Son/Spirit, created us for community.
Life is really hard. I cant imagine having to, or choosing to, go through it alone. I recently saw a great example of this in a movie called Lars and the Real Girl. In one of the scenes, the main character, Lars, experiences a loss and there are several women sitting in his living room with him. During the course of the conversation, one woman notes, Thats what we do when tragedy strikes we sit. I would agree with that.
Most of the time, we feel inept or inadequate or simply at a loss for words when placed in the position of the comforter. But it is in those moments that sometimes the best thing we can do for people is sit with them, just to let them know they are not alone. Our presence speaks volumes, and usually much more eloquently than our meager words. It is there that we can let the heart fill in the blanks.
So, while I hope that you always have someone to laugh with you, I pray all the more that you will earnestly seek out those who will cry with you. Be vulnerable with those people. Invest in them. Put the mask down. While there will be trial, error and inevitable heartbreak, the result will be a life well lived. And when the time comes, I am confident that youll find someone sitting next to you.
If you liked this article, check out: Intimacy Becomes Reality: Thoughts on God from Uganda
Kristi lives in suburban Atlanta and works for the Captain Planet Foundation. She is heavily involved in her local church and is currently building a nonprofit in her spare time. The soon-to-be-named organization she is forming with two friends will involve team, ministry and leadership training.