Sometimes I come home from work and class and lie on my bed and do nothing.
I cook dinner.
Chill with the roommates.
Do the mundane grocery shopping and laundry
and scroll through social media over and over and over again.
I often lay around dreaming up things I really want to do…
But when it comes down to it, I hardly actually do those things.
I convince myself I’m “too tired…”
Or listen to the lie that there “aren’t enough hours in the day.”
I’m not talking about the bucket list things like skydiving and going to the moon…
but like, giving a coat to a homeless woman.
Or helping the old man at Walmart get his groceries to his car.
My heart longs to do random acts of kindness,
But when push comes to shove…
I never get around to doing those things.
I don’t make time for it.
Instead, I go through my day only living for myself.
I want to love people better.
I want to make people smile more.
I want to show Christ through simple actions…
not just words or hopes or dreams.
There are homeless people everywhere.
It’s winter time.
I have way too many sweaters and jackets.
I often think of grabbing one (or 12) and heading down to the bridge
that I know people call their home…
and giving them a smile and a coat and telling them they are seen.
Or even just grabbing some snacks and drinks and handing then out
to let them know there are still some kind souls in the world.
But what do I do?
I keep dozens of warm things in my closet
and keep going on with my day.
Forgetting to remember.
Making it seem as though they are forgotten.
I often see fire trucks rushing to put out fires and something rises deep within me…
A deep respect for those men who have no idea what they’re driving full speed towards…
But they go.
I don’t think they know how appreciated they are.
I often think of making cookies and dropping by to say hey and thank you…
but have I done that?
A could buy a pack of cookie dough for $2.
Pop those in the oven.
Give them cookies and smile.
Make their day.
But I don’t.
Because when I have spare time I fill it with unnecessary things.
I love old people.
I have this deep appreciation for them…
Down to the point of getting butterflies when I see a cute old person.
I often think about bumping down to the local nursing home and just sitting with them.
Do I do it?
Many older people that are in nursing homes are forgotten about.
Sometimes just left to die.
Honestly, they have stories and wisdom that could change the world…
if people would just take time to listen.
I convince myself I don’t have enough time…
and if I do, I make more exciting plans.
I often think about going down to the hospital and handing out toys in the children’s ward.
Or blowing bubbles.
Or just smiling and hearing their stories.
No kid wants to be bound to a hospital bed…
Something so little could brighten so many lives.
I get butterflies at the idea…
but I never do it.
I’m sick of not doing it.
Whatever it is.
If Jesus still walked this planet he wouldn’t drive past the hurting
or get so caught up in himself that he looked past the desperate or needy.
He’d sit with them.
He’d give up going to a fancy feast to let people know they are noticed.
He’d give up comforts to make others comfortable.
This is my confession.
I’ve sucked at loving people…
and I’m over it.
Cheers to making time for the things that my soul legit longs to do.
Cheers to making space to love on the unloved.
Cheers to doing and not just saying.
Cheers to getting over myself and my “full schedule” and legit loving people.