I’ve been starved for the past six months.
I’m not talking food, but something that was even more valuable to me.
It was people.
To be more specific it was the approval of them.
I moved to Georgia in September of last year and this is where the starvation began.
Before moving here, I was blessed enough to live in a place where I was totally cared for. There was always food in the fridge, and always different activities going on. I always had the option of heading to a baseball game, a youth group event, or staying home surrounded by the family I lived with.
I hadn’t realized how much I depended on the approval of my friends and family until I stopped getting it. Living far from the people I had once relied on revealed to me my dependence on their support.
I began making simple decisions on my own, but realized how difficult it was. It sounds pathetic, but sometimes I could barely make a decision on what to have for lunch, never mind the big life decisions concerning relationships and cars.
I came to the point where my desperation for others approval was hindering me from thinking for myself.
My words echoed theirs as I began to let myself be molded by something and someone other than God.
I became so exhausted and wasted so much energy trying to get what I needed emotionally from other people.
I’m not sure if you’ve been here before, but it’s a desperate place to be.
You want it so badly.
You need it so badly.
Is there something in your life you’ve felt like you needed or wanted so desperately?
Is there something you feel like you can’t live without?
The worst thing God could let happen would be to let us get it.
This might sound harsh, but it was toxic to me to be constantly trying to get what I think I needed from other people.
I had to realize I wasn’t going to get it.
Friends here in Georgia began explaining that I needed to stop asking for everyone else’s help. That I needed to be confident that I could make decisions and stick to them, even if I didn’t get everyone’s approval.
I’m not going to tell you there was a magical moment when I realized I simply needed to look to God. That is the answer, but it’s just not that easy.
Throughout the last few months I have been weening off of people.
I’ve forced myself to make my own decisions.
Yesterday I spoke with a family member on the phone who commented about this and said, “Wow, you’re really not who you were a few years ago. I remember times where you would get hurt if we didn’t talk every day, now we talk maybe once a month and you make your own decisions.”
To which I responded, “Yeah, ain’t nobody got time everyone else’s opinions and thoughts.”
What might this be for you?
Do you need other people’s approval of your decisions?
Recently I had a friend tell me, “It’s okay if you don’t think you can make decisions and stick with them. The truth is that you can, and right now, I believe that enough for the both of us.”
So I want you, readers, to know even if you don’t believe you can do it or have the strength, you can.
I believe enough for the both of us.