I am homeless right now.
No adventure-driven leap into the arms of a God I cannot see to seek and save the lost.
I am the bird without a nest.
Sitting here, in an emptyish Tulsa apartment listening to the Sunday morning traffic motor towards church or coffee or points unknown, tears fall for the kids.
And in the night watches and while sharing dinner with my own little bird and her fella, my prayers of desperation are met with an old worship refrain, “I will sing of your love forever. I will sing of your love forever. I will sing of your love forever. I will sing of your love forever.”
Reminds me of the God story in Habakkuk. Bereft. Terrified. Attacked, this old grizzled prophet talked to God when his people were starved and hunted. He asked Abba how long he must cry out of the violence he and his people endured. How long will God rest in eternity while people suffer? And then he says (Habakkuk 3: 17-19):
“I heard and my heart pounded,
my lips quivered at the sound;
decay crept into my bones,
and my legs trembled.
Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity
to come on the nation invading us.
17 Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to tread on the heights.
For the director of music. On my stringed instruments.”
Those short days as a trusting love bird, the sweet hard days of being a mama hen, and the too many days as a young hunted bird with broken wing and I am back again to holding my head in despair. A bird without a nest.
Like Habakkuk, I will sing.
“Over the mountains and the sea, your river runs for me and I will open up my heart and let the healer set me free.”
- How will God get the glory – be made known – in this?
- Will our children walk away from you, God? Permanently?
- When does faith and hope become foolishness?
- How will you repair this – what no one saw coming – and lead me on?
- Where do I go? How will I serve and pay bills and find safety?
- Is this the rescue I prayed for? It feels pretty vulnerable.
Sing with me, “I will sing of your love forever.“
In our little bird voices to a God who hears us.
Wrecked: When life as we know it no longer works.
God steps in and saves the day.
a song of hope by josh garrels, farther along, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1wy6MGoG7Y.