“I know your works, your toil, and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false. I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name’s sake, and you have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have abandoned your first love.” -Revelation 2
I fell in love once.
It was a summer romance, full of sunflowers and watching meteor showers. He was handsome and strong and focused. Being with him made something new and tender in me come alive. I didn’t know I could feel that way about anyone.
When it ended, I bottled up all the memories and feelings that were still rolling around in my heart. I made myself forget.
My romance with the LORD has gone much the same way.
I’ll be honest: the last month or so has been, frankly, hell, in the love department.
Not with loving people, but with loving God. I forgot what it was like to just be with God. I forgot what it was like to hear Him, see Him, feel Him. I forgot what it is to be totally, madly, unconditionally in love with Him.
Until today, when I asked Him to help me remember.
When I fell in love that summer, my heart was romanced. There were gifts given and time spent together and trips taken. There was a place we went that was all ours. There was a way he looked at me, spoke to me, protected me.
Falling in love with Jesus was much the same way. His gifts were those of a million unclouded stars reflected in the water as we crossed a river by canoe in Nicaragua. There were the hours spent locked away in the upper room of a chapel in Thailand where we danced together. There was this mad, undefinable trip He invited me to take with Him to see His kingdom, and to see it being brought to earth.
Today, there was the reminder that I am still His beautiful Beloved. I am His Bride. We went to a place that has become ours and hid away together for the whole day. He showed me that He sees me as His perfect, redeemed love. He spoke to me gently and reminded me that I am safe because I am His. He held me.
He saw all my distrust and fear and old anger creeping in and quieted me with his love.
I am my Beloved’s and He is mine. Something new and tender in me is coming alive again, more fully than before. In Him, I am learning to find my home. Slowly by slowly, He’s romancing me back into love with Him. He’s asking me to tell Him my secrets again and, when I’m brave enough to speak, He’s gracious enough to listen. He’s reminding me of His love for me. When I see it, I am brave enough to trust Him.
Because He loves me. Oh, how He loves me. How He loves me so.
How do you feel loved by God?