When I was a kid I literally thought I was invincible.
I felt completely safe no matter what situation I was in…
But as I have grown up and experienced some things,
I’ve realized how freaking crazy this world is.
How we are not promised another day.
When I was a kid…
the extent of my worry was if I would make it home before the street lights came on.
Or, if I finished my chores before the neighborhood kids were ready to play.
As I got older, it was if the kids at school would think I’m cool enough.
In high school, it was if I could pass biology or if the cute boy would want to date me.
In college, my worry changed from small things, to anxiety about whether I could truly cover all the lies in my life…
If I could cover my true lifestyle and ridiculous decisions.
It’s crazy how quick the world had effect on me and changed me from an innocent adolescent to a crazy wannabe adult.
As I grew up, I felt as if my invincible mindset slowly dwindled.
I hated those days in college.
I would despise getting out of bed for fear of being found out…
or even worse, not being found out.
I wore a mask and was damn good at pretending I still had my stuff together.
From leading small groups to talking about the magnificent things of God by day,
To being in my dorm room contemplating giving up on life by night.
I was terrified about what others would think and it nearly killed me.
I am so thankful he found me on that cold dorm room floor and changed my from the inside out.
My worries went from hiding my own lies, to worrying about those who are stuck in similar chains.
Those that are putting on the happy face that all is well…
When truly they are desperate for anyone to truly know them…
For those that are paralyzed by fear and too anxious to toss the mask.
So they hide, day after day.
My worries consist of bringing Kingdom to earth through freedom of his people.
I went from hating my life…
Puking up my guts…
Drinking my feelings…
To a mask falling from my swollen eyes
And viewing life as he wants me to.
Yeah life is still freaking hard, but I see the big picture.
I see his power and his love and his grace that constantly explodes in my heart.
I see how much he wants to toss the masks to the side and for people to speak out their true feelings.
To face their insecurity and their lies and inadequacies.
Satan does his best work in the quiet places.
I want to be an advocate for this to happen.
If there is anyone reading this who thinks they are too much of a hot mess… I want to hear about it.
If there is anything in your heart that you are terrified to confess,
I want to encourage you that you’re not alone.
Not matter what you’ve done…
Where you’ve been…
How broken you are…
No matter what you’re addicted to…
He has grace for it and he just wants you set free from it.
His love for you can’t even be put into words.
If you want to let it out, e-mail me at [email protected]
I’m a safe place.
There is no shame.
I won’t share it with anyone.
He just wants you to be free.
I want to encourage you.
Let it out.
I’ll be in Africa for the next two months with sporadic internet but I will check my email when I can and respond soon after that.
Let’s shift the worry in this life to things that truly matter.
Let’s be free.