Sometimes, I think I should be a professional actor.
I find myself putting on a show for God…
As if he can be fooled.I clog my ears with sermons and worship songs.
I go to church trying to prove myself as holy.
I read books and memorize scripture.
I travel the world dumping my soul out to the nations.
He’s teaching me how to know Him.
Not how to stare at my bible just because it’s what I’m supposed to do.
Not how to go to bible study just to feel better about myself.
Not how to have a theological discussion.
Not how to sit in a pew and listen to a sermon.
Not how to sit down and try and soak in yet another book that was recommended to me.
Not how to feed all the African babies and end human trafficking.
How to know Him.
I can scream His goodness at the top of my lungs.
but if I don’t truly know him in my heart…all of it is worthless.
Tonight I sat on the porch and watched a thunderstorm roll in.
Suddenly I found myself walking out from underneath the protection of the roof into the downpour.
Darkness surrounding me.
The only light was the lightning reflecting off the lake.
I stood there…not saying a word.
Not doing anything.
Just standing in His presence.
I felt microscopic compared to His vastness.
I had nothing to offer Him but my full attention.
I raised my hands to the sky… begging to feel even one more ounce of Him.
I was completely humbled in His presence…
Not just of you.
Not just the verses and songs and characteristics of you.
Thank you for loving me… hot mess and all.