By Megan Twietmeyer
There are moments in life where the faith that you grew up in changes and becomes part of who YOU are, not just something you do. There are moments where your eyes are opened and the things that seemed so simple, no longer are. This past year has been a series of moments for me where my faith has become real. I’ve begun to own it and make it mine. In the process of doing so things that were once simple are no longer simple.
This is a prayer that I’ve been praying and it breaks my heart every time I do. I don’t think I’m alone in this. So I figured I’d share it:
How do I as a believer in you reconcile what I believe you say about homosexuality and the love you possess? Who am I to tell people that they’re wrong and sinful? All sins are equal right? So homosexuality is the same as drunkenness, lying, and dishonoring your parents…right? But here on Earth we’ve made categories- tiers of sinful behavior. Some things, like breaking rules about speeding and bringing candy into movie theatres, are seen as no big deal. Many people don’t even bat an eye at that behavior. Others things, like homosexuality, are such a divisive issue that arguments form, churches split, and your name becomes muddied in the process. But you say that all sin is the same in your eyes and that you love everyone. So what do I do?
In this world filled with imperfect people how can I pray that my friends and acquaintances, whom I love so much and want so desperately to see in eternity, come to know you. I fear that many of them will just be judged, hated, and looked down upon by the very people who say they love and serve you? Some of my friends already have and it breaks my heart- I know it breaks yours.
How can I pray that they come to know you when I know that if they were to do so they’d have to abandon and ignore a major part of who they are? I realize that everyone has their “cross to bear” and that “thorn in their side” but this just doesn’t make sense. I don’t know what to do Father.
The people I know- they are amazing and good people but that’s not a ticket to heaven. Accepting you is… So what do I pray? How do I pray? How can I ask them to follow you? I want them to know you and I know you desire that so much more than I ever could.
Things are no longer black and white for me. I don’t think they ever were for you. You’ve opened my eyes and I thank you. You’ve opened my heart and I praise you. Now I need you to show me what to do with this new understanding. I will continue-with your help- to be a witness, a living example. Still… what can hope for from my witness? Can I honestly pray and beg that they come to know you if they will be so rejected by your “church”? Is that fair or right?
You know best and I trust you.
Megan is a Taylor University Alum who recently relocated to North Carolina. She is trying to follow God’s will for her life and is enjoying the journey (for the most part).