Once upon a time there was a girl named Ruth Wilson.
She found her identity in being a hot mess…
and constantly claimed to have a lot of sin in her heart…
and lived entangled in heavy chains.
Not only did she find her identity in those things but she spoke them over her life constantly.
She would approach the throne of God and constantly confess the same things…
Begging for Him to forgive her.
She would attempt to turn from her sin but in her own power.
She would be release from her chains but still sit in them because they were comfortable.
She would be completely honest about her life and invite others in, which was good, but then go nowhere from there.
That Ruth is gone. It’s over.
He has changed me.
In the past few weeks I have been constantly blown up with Freedom.
Not the cute little “Woohoo I’m free in Christ” cliche concept…
But the full blown I start weeping an ugly cry when I think of how free I am.
I couldn’t run back if I wanted to.
The other day my roommate sat me down and looked me in the eye and said,
“You’re not a hot mess, stop saying you are.”
I looked at her wide eyed…
“What do you mean?”
Screaming on the inside…
“OF COURSE I AM. IF YOU ONLY KNEW MY HEART.”
She looked at me.
For the past three years I have written nearly every single day and it has all been begging for forgiveness.
Many “woe is me” prayers.
Many “I’m so sorry I’m a mess, Father.”
Don’t get me wrong, there is strength in brokenness.
He calls us to conviction and repentance…
but there comes a time that we need to shut up and move on.
I have reached that point.
Instead of constantly coming to him with brokenness for things that happened YEARS AGO
I need to come to him with a praise on my lips for the beautiful life he has given me.
Oh what a Savior we have.
A Savior who DIED that we may LIVE.
Not a Savior who died that we can come to the throne everyday with a heavy heart hating our lives for our past sins.
He says that He casts our sin as far as the east is from the west.
I sometimes lay in bed and try to think about how damn far that is and get a headache.
the distance is unending.
He casts it far away and forgets about it and is only concerned with our future.
The past is the past.
I believe that there comes a point that God is just like “Shhhh let’s just be.”
I’ve reached that point, and I couldn’t be more thrilled to just be with Him.
To just be in his presence and soak him in…
Instead of begging for his forgiveness, just soaking in Him.
I invite you in on this new journey with me.
Not dwelling on being a hot mess.
LIVING in freedom, breaking others out of their messes.
Cheers and praise Him.