Troubles are chasing me again.
Tearing down my strong defense.
I’m still alive.
But I’m barely breathing.
Close to breaking, wishing I just would already.
I’m finding myself back in South Carolina to see a doctor, yet again.
I thought this was all over.
I thought I was finally getting close to full health again.
I was doing so well.
And then out of nowhere, something came up that shouldn’t have.
I was on a month’s worth of medication to clear it out of my body, but it’s back.
I stick to a super strict diet.
You know, eat real food only.
Which I 100% believe in and support- it’s just not financially the easiest when you’re a missionary who is currently support raising.
It’s been 10 months now.
10 months of physical trial after physical trial.
I mean really, I’ve pretty much been battling something my entire walk with Christ so far.
Strep three times.
Malaria.
Complications from the Malaria leaving me in a hospital for a week.
Blowing out my right knee.
Anxiety attacks.
A few sinus infections.
A stomach virus.
A tattoo infection.
Two back to back kidney infections.
Constant neck pain from who knows what and my TMJ.
A yeast overgrowth from 10 rounds of antibiotics in 6 months.
And now it’s back.
I’m over it.
Every doctor I see says my blood work is perfect.
No one has an answer as to why this stuff keeps happening.
And let me say, I truly do believe that I am healthy.
That there’s nothing wrong with me.
But then something comes up, again.
And it’s recently taken my attention and focus.
And not in the right way.
I pray.
I speak life over myself.
I even just ignore it and wish it would go away.
But really, I mostly just ignore it.
And try not to throw a pitty party.
But I’m tired.
It’s like the life has been sucked out of me.
It’s like someone stole my heart.
I’m apathetic.
I’m empty.
I’m numb.
Almost ready to just run from it all…
I don’t even care about much right now.
‘Rachel, what if God healed you, then what would you do?’
Uhm, I would praise Him.
Duh.
“But then what would you do?”
I would be able to get a lot more accomplished.
I would do things that this is holding me back from.
I would stop thinking about all the pain I am in and I could make myself better and start focusing on things I want to accomplish for the kingdom.
I would be able to focus on Him rather than this situation.
I’m sorry, what?
Let me repeat that again.
I would be able to focus on Him rather than this situation.
Simply meaning, I’m not depending on Him.
I’m letting this hold me back.
Hand to forehead.
Wrong answer.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
-Matthew 14:29-30
How often do we so easily get caught up in the winds that are causing the storms in our life?
How often are you like Peter, seeing the winds and waves, and becoming so fixated on what is wrecking havoc in your life and plans?
When all we have to do is just keep our eyes focused on Christ and we will walk on the very waters that are causing the storms in our lives!
You see, Jesus is already walking on those waters.
Asking us to trust Him.
Calling us to meet Him.
Saying, ‘trust me!’
‘Keep your eyes focused on me!’
‘Not the rain, wind or you feet.’
‘JUST FOCUS ON ME!’
It’s that simple.
That’s all He’s asking!
‘Just focus on me!’
He will call us out onto the waters.
The place where our feet may fail us.
But when our feet won’t stand, our faith will.
We just have to call upon His name.
We have to stop worrying about everything.
Stop focusing on the things that are going wrong.
And keep our eyes focused on Him, not the waters around us.
It may not make the storm go away.
But by focusing on Christ, you’ll be shocked at how calm your storm becomes.
And you’ll be taken into an even deeper relationship with the Lord.
We shouldn’t be waiting around in life for God to do something for us, so that we are then able to focus on Him.
‘If only God would take this away, then I would really be able to do this for Him and His kingdom.’
If only.
If only.
If only.
Then.
Then.
Then.
Save me.
Save me.
Save me.
Newsflash: you’ve already been saved!
You have a relationship with the one and almighty loving God.
You’ve been redeemed.
You’ve been given new life.
And you are loved.
Or have you forgotten that?
So, I am over it.
But not in a giving up manner.
I’m just done making excuses.
And I am done letting things distract me from my purpose and goal in life.
I’m done letting things take my focus off of Christ.
I don’t know about you, but I think it would be pretty cool to walk on water.
Find an area in your life where God is asking you to just trust Him.
To take a step of faith and walk on the waters that are wrecking havoc in your life.
And give it to God.
Focus on Him.
And see what happens.