Anything You Are Afraid to Lose Owns You -

By Cassandra Smith

I glimpsed at a picture of Jesus. It is hard to describe, as I am sure all images of God are — yet the moment sticks with me.

I see him walking through a city street. It was Nashville, maybe? Pittsburgh? Dallas?

In a way, the city encompassed a hundred cities, but none I knew. It didn’t really matter where he was. There was a purpose behind his every step.

The city has a familiar feel, yet unrestrained by definition. The sidewalks are not crowded; in fact, they are rather empty. I am sitting on a bench on one side of town.

Thinking. Waiting.

For what, I am unsure. But I am there. Sitting. Calculating.

In my minds eye I can see Jesus searching those streets — not a bathrobe and glowing hair Jesus, but a thirty-something blue Buckle dress shirt and jeans kind of Jesus. He has piercing eyes, and his pace is brisk, mixed with a calculated patience. It is as if he knows I still need time to weigh the cost.

So he wanders the city, getting nearer to my city park bench but lingering to still soak up the life swirling around him. He enjoys humanity as it passes. He loves them all. But today he is seeking the one over the ninety-nine.

You know how in movie shots the camera pans in on one aspect of a character introduced, but it isn’t like an overt “Hey, pay attention to this” moment, just a slyly-placed, close-up shot? The Jesus in my picture is walking through the city-but the camera edges in for a quick glimpse. The picture heightens as I see his cost. On his wrists the soft pink of wounded and scarred-over flesh edges from beneath his Buckle cuffs. It is a quick flash, but long enough for the image to echo in my understanding.

I do not feel fear. I do not feel shame. I feel an overwhelming truth. Peace floods and my heart yearns to meet that love again. I am left on the bench, still thinking, still weighing the cost. I know that he is about to offer revealed truth. And I want to be ready to accept it.

His dark hair edges from an alley and turns in my direction. The tanned skin around his eyes wrinkles as he smiles. I feel his eyes before he meets mine; a surge of acceptance meets my iris. I realize how much I genuinely love him and know it is my time to yield. As he sits next to me, I also realize this isn’t just about giving up a mental idea, it is about forming a new reality-about fashioning an interior life.

He could say a thousand things. He could give perspective or insight into the relationship I am clinging too. He could legitimately rebuke certain actions I am part of. He could tell me about my sins. He could tell me about promises or hope for my future. He could even call out the woman he wants me to be.

But he does none of these. Instead, he brushes the hair past his face and his eyes meet mine. He opens his mouth to utter a single thought: “Anything you are afraid to lose owns you.”

My heart floods with truth-a resolve, a courage. I don’t know why-but I reach into my purse and grab my cell phone, shutting it off. The lines around his eyes tighten as he smiles subtly. Truth floods as understanding finally clicks and then, in a flash, the entire picture dissolves.

My eyes snap open as the picture fizzles out from my mind. The dream ends as I roll over to click on my lamp, reach for my journal and write down the single phrase that would spark a redefinition of my life:

Anything you are afraid to lose owns you.

Cassandra believes in living life “mobile like the wind” and is always willing to go wherever adventure takes her. This recent college graduate is looking for her next spot in life and waiting for Jesus’ timing to reveal his plans and purposes. Until then… let the imagination roll.