By Kristen Mcmullen
Part II continued from Part I.
This is impossible! I screamed. I felt so helpless that I cried. In our selfishness, were running for You Lord, and stepping on the lost to get there! Some of us are so stuck we beckon You to us, and fight amongst ourselves to prove ours is the right way to do just that. Were a mess. Why would anyone want to join a rabble of fighting selfish children?
In the middle of my despair I looked down and saw a teenage girl. She kept looking over her shoulder at God. I asked her what she was looking at. She said she couldnt be certain, but it looked really bright and beautiful behind her. She said that it seemed too far to travel, especially on her own, so she stayed here instead. I sat down and we talked. She told me all about herself and I told her all about myself. We ate together. She shared one of her granola bars with me. Finally she asked me why I had been crying before. I told her all about You Lord, and that you were so near. She listened to everything I had to say like a child at bedtime hearing their favourite story. When I could think of nothing else to say, we stood and embraced. I asked her if shed like to come with me. She said no. The distance was too great and she didnt think she could make it. But she thanked me for sharing with her and spending time with her. I began to cry. Even when I had loved someone, they still wouldnt turn to God. What had I done wrong? I calmed myself and asked her if she needed anything. She smiled and said, It doesnt seem as though you have anything to give; you carry nothing. But thank you. I smiled and knew what I had to give: my bible. She resisted at first saying I would need it. But I insisted. She accepted with big, tear-filled eyes. We embraced again and she sat back down, turned ever so slightly toward God. I didnt know what to do. I began to weep.
This is impossible! I turned to the worshippers on the outside of the circle behind me and I screamed, Cant you see? This is the way to God! He already came to you, now you must go to Him! Come and help me. I need all of you! I need your help! But they couldnt hear me over their worshipping and simultaneous fighting.
Just then I saw two people stand about five meters behind me. They embraced, turned and looked up. Our eyes met and they smiled and waved at me. Then they took one very small step towards me and sat down and started talking to people. They were people I had stepped on earlier. Not only had I not helped this teenage girl, I had made the job of my brothers and sisters harder by being so selfish. I wept for some time. I wept for my own selfishness and immaturity. I wept for the thousands with their backs to God. I wept for the thousands trying to call God to them in their blindness. I wept for the teenage girl I had just talked with. When I finally looked up, I saw God, in all His glory. He looked over at me and I could see Him smile. My face felt warm from His radiance and beauty. I saw His lips move and I heard the faintest whisper inside my ears. He had said, Take your time. Im here, waiting. Now look down.
In front of me was a young boy, about 11 years old. I asked him if I could sit with him awhile. He said yes, happy I think, for some company. We talked about many things. He told me all about his family and the games he loved to play. He reminded me so much of the young boys I had worked with at camp or babysat for. He was great, and I found myself really loving him – just because. The thought entered my mind that if any harm ever came to him, I would be devastated. And yet here he was, in a very specific kind of harm, and I hadnt even seen him. My heart broke for him. As we were talking I started craving my bible. I wanted to share a certain scripture with him and I just couldnt remember it. I started to silently pray that God would help me remember His word and the most amazing thing happened. The teenage girl that I had talked with turned towards us and passed me my bible. I was listening, sorry. But, I think you should tell him the story about Jesus, Kristen. I really want to hear it again, too! We all laughed and I started to tell them the truth about Christ.
My heart became lighter.
I finally started to understand that I would get my full-sized-bear-hug one day. Until then, each hug I get from one of His children out here is a piece of Him. The more people I talk to, and the more I share, the more of Him is out in this dark, dreary place.
Kristen McMullen is a modern-day nomad living from her silver cavalier. In her travels as a speaker/teacher/singer/songwrit