By Amanda Petersen
Tonight was rough.
There was so much going on…
…I walk in, and Bin is wearing a mini-skirt and a bra. She quickly ducks behind the counter and puts on a see-thru hoodie and jumps back out, looking at me sheepishly.
“Bin, you do not have to change when I come. You can wear whatever you’d like.” I tell myself that I have done something wrong – that she feels like she has to meet a certain standard when she is with me. I am a Pharisee.
…Tried to play a game of pool with Bin. She is distracted by some deal involving the girls at the bar across the hallway buying hard liquor from 7-11. It seems like she doesn’t care that I am here tonight.
…Girls are drinking whiskey with straws out of a bucket. Everyone is quickly getting drunk.
…Images of sex are everywhere. These sweet, young girls are crawling all over one another, imitating intercourse. They are sticking their hands up one another’s skirts. They are seductively removing their shirts…and this isn’t even a Go-go…it’s a beer bar.
I know they are doing this to lure in the Western men who use the hallway to walk to the toilet. But I realize, sex is fun. They are playing around with actions involving something that is fun.
I played two half-hearted games of pool and headed out, very frustrated and with a broken heart.
The thoughts (and lies) are overwhelming
…The girls will never leave the bars. Sex is fun, and hell, they are getting paid for it. Getting drunk for free isn’t such a bad deal, either.
…I can’t come back here again. This is too much.
…There is nothing to be said that can help these girls. I don’t know the language. I don’t want to be the prude big sister.
…When they see friendship they only see money. White men are willing to drop hundreds of dollars on them. White women must be the same. They only string us along to see if we have money to offer.
Tonight made me want to quit.
Will I go back again tomorrow?
Amanda Petersen is from Portland OR and used to edit for Wrecked. She is in Thailand for two months ministering to victims of the sex industry there. You can donate to her ministry here.